Monthly Archives May 2011

Psychology Today Asks, Why Are Black Women Less Physically Attractive Than Others? Are You Talking To Me?

 

Passionista Principle: Beauty is only skin deep but ugliness runs straight to the bone.

Hey Rockstars,

For most of my life I’ve heard, “Wow, you are such a beautiful black woman” and “You’re so pretty to be so dark.”

My perceived physical beauty is somehow seen at odds with my skin color. Why is being a chocolate woman and being beautiful surprising?

Last Summer, I interviewed author Kola Boof who was recently featured on the cover of the National Enquirer as Osama Bin Laden’s mistress.

In my interview Kola revealed that Osama Bin Laden had “the hots” for black women. [video] I was horrified and said something like, “Who gives a damn if a mass murdering terrorist finds black women attractive?” To which my producer, also a strong, brown skinned black woman replied, “Well at least somebody wants us.”

Every other week an athlete, rapper or news report sings the story of black women’s undesirability. This month, Psychology Today thought that it would be bloody brilliant to allow a post by a “scientist” called, “Why Black Women Are Unattractive.” Really, Psychology Today? As if, it is a truth universally acknowledged? The original article by Asian researcher Satoshi Kanazawa, a lecturer from the London School of Economics, has been since deleted. [Find the article Psychology Today removed here.]

What fresh hell is this?

It’s a little bit hard not to feel under attack. I grew up watching enough Arnold Schwarzenegger  films to know that attackers don’t always show up inthe face you expect them to. They come bearing a guise of science or love and then before you can say “baby mama,” there they are guns blazing and aiming at you.

When I was in college and first read the words, “Ever since I knew there was something called a colored girl, an evil woman, a bitch or a nag, I been trying not to be that. Leave bitterness in somebody else’s cup.” Those words rocked my soul as TLC rocked my CD player. In that For Colored Girls verse Ntozake Shange detailed my life’s battle up to that point in 32 words.


In other words, ever since I learned that I was supposed to be some evil black bitch I have been trying not to be that. But I can’t base what I’m gonna be off of somebody else’s woolly fears. These articles, videos, episodes of Nightine and Steve Harvey advice hours hurt my very soul. Faster than I can whip out a breast and yell ain’t I a woman here they come with something else.

And then they ask, “why are you so angry?” When you started out in the world feeling quite joyful. It should not be a wonder when we are angry. It is an outright miracle when we are not.

?Your beauty is nothing like mine.

Black brown, red skin, big lips, thick nappy hair and wide nose.

Your beauty is nothing like mine. Real swaying hips, genuine thighs, ample backside and big gorgeous eyes.

?Your beauty ain’t like mine, brilliant and curried, sweet potatoed and saltfished, rotied and collard greened. 

Your beauty is nothing like mine. Because my beauty in all of it’s many guises – acceptable and unacceptable- classic and fearful- dark and light- your beauty ain’t like mine- because my beauty is just fine.

With or without the men  to d
efend it. With or without your pen to end it. With or without your opinion you see, I’m just fine being me.

Weaved Afroed dreaded braided or bobbed; yes I am a beauty snob because Your beauty is nothing like mine.

If I was my Superwoman alter ego, this is where I would do a cartwheel Cleopatra Jones style and pull a pistol in slow motion on a sucker, faster than a black male actor can lampoon my womanhood in dress. ?

But there is no pistol. No funk music. Not today.

Because I am as vulnerable as I am strong, as flawed as I am perfect, underneath the bravado I am the flesh and blood woman you forgot existed.

My beauty cannot be measured by your studies. My brilliance cannot be Mis-measure by man.

I am bowed but not broken.

Because my beauty is not yours to define or criticize.
Your beauty is nothing like mine.
And for this, I am so grateful.

 

• Interracial Dating Primer for White Men
• America the Beautiful: The Beauty Myth
• The Worst First Date Ever
• Single Black Women & Mo’ Problems
• Sex and Race Representation: Black Woman’s Burden

Every other week Tina Tobin of Luv Em Or Leave Em sends over a relationship advice question. This week’s question centered on the old concept of shotgun weddings. Gone are the days when getting pregnant meant rushing down the aisle. If you have gotten pregnant accidentally and were planning to be married you have all of the options in the world.

Some prominent celebrity brides like reality star Bethenny Frankel walk down the aisle flaunting their big beautiful belly. But if you don’t have Bethenny’s resources, should you get married immediately before you have the baby or should you wait to have the wedding of your dreams?

Check out the video below, and if you can’t see it click, Should I Have A Quick Wedding to watch.

?Is she a slut if she carries a condom?

Passionista Principle: People can be indecent but not clothing. And certainly never lingerie…

Hey Rockstars,

Whether you are all shapewear all the time, are addicted to sexy lingerie or your heart beats for the plain cotton variety, your undies, loungewear, swimsuits, hosiery and foundation garments require special care. These items that are no longer

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