Single Women & The Goddess Year (VIDEO) Abiola’s Bombshell Academy Day #23
Passionista Principle: There are times when a single woman must be single on purpose.
It’s Day #23 of Abiola’s Bombshell Academy. This mini web series is sponsored by Terra Fossil Wines’ 30 Days of Wine Madness, a heart healthy campaign. What is the Goddess Year for Single Passionistas?
The Goddess Year is not for everyone. At times I have called it the Passionista Year or The Bombshell Year. This is a key part of my upcoming “Official Bombshell Handbook.” The Big Year of YOU.
This is a special concept for a very select group of women. This is only for those single women who are dissatisfied with their lives; those who want to live a more passionate life but don’t know where to begin. I am not necessarily talking to my singlistas who want to remain single, although this could benefit you, too. I am talking only to the single women who have been in relationships but still feel alone.
This is your official goddess bombshell wake up call. A bombshell is a woman who lives in a space of passion, personal power and pleasure- or who wants to. And this is a required course. Your life is waiting, my bombshell, my goddess, my passionista sister.
What I am about to say is quite revolutionary. Although I write and broadcast about love, sex and dating I am not afraid to say that some of us need a break from relationships. I know that every relationship book, woman’s magazine and dating blog revolves around the search for the prince and our finding “the one.” Well I hereby decree that we need to take 12 months out to be single on purpose, dating but not hunting for the one. This single year is a year of you.
This single year is your Goddess Year, Bombshell. Here’s how you shed that desperate skin, start living the life of your dreams. And yes, you can still find your prince.
I was a serial monogamist, going from relationship to relationship with barely any time to catch my breath in between. I even appeared on reality matchmaker TV “seeking love” as a social experiment while I had a boyfriend at home. But after a short marriage crashed and burned and my rebound love also went sour I realized that I was 30-something years old and had not been single since I was 15. I was trying to partner with others when I didn’t know me.
The Top 5 Laws for “The Goddess Year:” Live The Year of Your Life
Single Goddess Bombshell Passionista Law #1: Thou Shalt Date Promiscuously
The number one prescription for the Goddess Year is “date promiscuously, love monogamously.” So often as single women we approach every date with desperation and our fingers crossed under the restaurant table that this could be the one. Imagining your kids together before dessert comes. Phew. I can smell the desperation from here, and trust your sister; desperation is never sexy.
During the next 12 months you are committing to being single. So now you can approach every date with the pressure off. Date around. We’re not talking about sex. We’re talking about dating. Go out. Meet different kinds of guys. Date out of type. Join a site like Match or Smingle. If you usually go for tall nerdy stockbroker types, try a stocky creative dude. The pressure is off because this is your year of living single!
You have the right to be picky. Date fun men. Date new men. After all, it’s just a date, right? We’ll talk celibacy in another post. Dating does not always equal sex.
Single Goddess Bombshell Passionista Law #2: Make Thy Beach Bucket List
We all know “The Bucket List” theory. You make a list of things you want to experience, accomplish or attempt before you die, right? Well let’s accelerate that. The Beach Bucket List is the Bucket List hyped up on speed.
Make a list of 52 things you have always wanted to do from the simple like learning to eat with chopsticks or becoming skilled at false eyelashes to the daring, like bungee jumping or learning Mandarin. Now you are going to embark upon one of these things every week. That’s right, every week.
Create a vision board with images and affirmations to inspire you. Then go for it! I hear you. Of course be conscious of your budget and current living situation but the point is to push your tenacity into overdrive.
Warning: This is intense. While a bucket list could take a lifetime to unfold the beach bucket list is a living breathing action plan. Go for it. So many of us are raised to be people-pleasers. This is the year of pleasing you. Why sit around single and miserable or wait until you’re afraid of croaking to do what you’ve always dreamed of doing?
Single Goddess Bombshell Passionista Law #3: Thou Shalt Not Go It Alone
Everything is better with support. Partner with your BFF or group of besties to do the Goddess Passionista Year program. An additional alternative is to meet new friends to share these experiences with. Maybe all of your friends are married and you’re the only singleton or you’ve moved to a new city. Go to Meetup.com and find a new group of friends. Party it up. This is your year.
Single Goddess Bombshell Passionista Law #4: Thou Shalt Do a Love Detox
Ladies, we talk to each other about everything, often dating in circles and going out with the same dude in different jeans over and over again. If this is you please do a love detox. Maybe your Passionista Year includes a period of celibacy. Maybe you need to get cognitive therapy or some other type of professional help to break your patterns. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. You are not alone.
Single Goddess Bombshell Passionista Law #5: Thou Must Explore and Embrace Thy Sexual Self
Listen up, my goddess sisters: there is a whole host of stores like Babeland and Eden Fantasys that make buying and learning about sex toys and self pleasure safe and fun for women. After all, if you can’t please yourself how can you expect someone else to? There’s even a Hello Kitty vibrator. Yes. Clearly that’s not intimidating at all. Some mainstream condom companies like Trojan make vibrating rings and vibrators that you can buy at the drugstore. You can also explore sexy lotions and potions at small personal retailers like Athena’s Home Novelties and PartyLite.
Whether you are celibate or not is your choice. If you are out there exploring with other people grab the Just in Case condom case created by female entrepreneurs and be sure to play it safe by taking my safe sex pledge. Find some new toys to play with and then when you are back in a relationship you have some fun tricks to share with your new partner.
And of course, every bombshell should know the art of self-pleasure.
Bombshell Bonus: Thou Shalt Throw a Coming Out Party
No, we’re not suggesting you alter your sexuality. We’re talking coming out in the sense of the Diana Ross freedom anthem, “I’m Coming Out. I want the world to know; I want to let it show.” You are coming out as your self and you are inviting the world to witness it. You’re a new woman. Announce it and be accountable.
One last note: if you happen to meet ‘the one’ while you are enjoying your year of single living, tell him what you’re doing. A good man will love and embrace your independent spirit. And an even better man won’t mind waiting a few months to have you all to himself.