Cheating, adultery, infidelity. Some women leave and others forgive. Some grab hot grease, um, never mind. We don’t judge your choices here, but if you’ve decided to forgive your husband or boyfriend for adultery, here’s how. Thanks to Relationship charity OnePlusOne for the great love advice post. -aa
Infidelity can deliver the killing blow to any relationship, but while it might seem impossible to get over a partners infidelity in the moments after the revelation you can weather the storm if you’re both committed to saving the relationship.
If you’re both ready to take the long road to reconciliation, you’re going to need a guide to work through the trust issues and emotions on the way. Here are a few tips on how to deal with an affair.
Can You Really “Get Over It”?
If you’re not committed to saving your relationship, you could just be delaying the break up, and causing more heartache in the process.
When you’re in a long term relationship or you’re living together, you could feel like you’re obliged to work things out, but that’s not the case; If either of you have problems with working past the affair it won’t work and it’s best to cut your losses here.
Forgiveness Is Key.
You might have work to do in several areas of your relationship following the affair, but your first stop should be in forgiving your partner.
If you try to rush forwards, you might find your relationship marred with resentment, distrust or feelings of betrayal; Forgiveness is the cure for these symptoms. Many couples after an affair might claim that the “love has faded” but your feelings have love haven’t vanished, it’s just been clouded by your insecurities after the affair. Forgive your partner and you’re ready to start reconciling.
The Road to Reconciliation Takes Time.
Like Rome, your relationship wasn’t built in a day so you shouldn’t expect it to recover from an affair in a day either.
You’re trying to rebuild a damaged relationship, and that could take a long time depending on how much damage has been done. Avoid rushing to forgiveness with big gestures or expensive gifts, and wait for the trust and intimacy in the relationship to return naturally.
It Takes Two.
There are two people in your relationship, and you’ll both need to be fully on-board when it comes to rebuilding your relationship.
Getting defensive or resisting is only going to make the process of forgiveness harder. Instead you and your partner should understand that this is to preserve your relationship and that no matter how hard it gets you’ll be remain committed.
It’s Not Your Fault.
You’re not to blame for your partner’s transgression. You might feel like it’s your fault, or that you may have “forced” them into it but that’s nonsense; your partners affair is their responsibility and you are not to blame.
A key part in rebuilding your self-confidence and the status quo of your relationship is to acknowledge that you didn’t cause this and you shouldn’t blame yourself.
However well your recovery might be going, you might find that the affair is still the metaphorical elephant in the room as you move forwards. If that’s the case, you should consider professional advice.
A marriage counselor could help you work out how to deal with an affair, and help get you back on track if you can’t see a way forwards.
The truth is that every long-term relationship is unique, with quirks all of its own. Dealing with infidelity is going to pose a challenge to every relationship but these challenges might take different forms.
Keep working at it and eventually you’ll have worked past the pain of the affair with a stronger relationship.
Relationship charity OnePlusOne delivers free, unbiased relationship advice for a variety of situations. If you’re struggling to deal with your partners infidelity, they may be able to help.
Featured images: Photo credit: My Blog Guest community
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