Thanks to our good friends Kissy Bang Bang for sharing this advice post with us.
Dear Kissy Bang Bang,
My boyfriend is in his 30s and can’t/won’t hold a stable job. He is very unreliable—he will ditch our weekend plans to go out with his gang, friends he’s known since childhood. And when we do go out with my own friends, he sits there quietly and makes it painfully apparent that he’d rather be somewhere else doing his own thing.
He won’t even help with chores and errands, and would rather live in his mother’s basement. Yes, he’s a total mama’s boy!
What can I do to make him change?
Does Miss Frustrated’s letter sound like something you probably could’ve written yourself? Do you feel like you’re living Miss Frustrated’s life?
Well, if it does and you do, then here’s the bottom line, chica!
Dear Miss Frustrated,
You’re dating Peter Pan, the boy who never grew up. Your frustrations are brought about by your man-child of a boyfriend. If you want to put yourself out of your misery, listen up. I have one piece of advice for you:
Yes, you heard me. I firmly believe that this is what any sane woman should do when faced with a man-child—she should stay as far away from Peter Pan as she possibly can. Why?
Because Peter Pan never grew up.
And like him, your man-child boyfriend will likely never grow up, either. He will NOT change—or, at the very least, it’ll take years—painfully long years—before he even shows any semblance of change.
Do you think you can change him? Good luck, he’s a lost cause. If his past girlfriends weren’t able to do so, what makes you think that you can?
And before you start crafting an elaborate plan to change him, here are two big reasons why your plan will never work and why he’ll likely never grow up:
He grew up thinking he was the center of everyone’s world. His ma was always there to do the heavy lifting and take responsibility for everything. He doesn’t do chores because mama never let him.
His mother is his enabler—and as long as she is around, don’t expect him to ever change. Not for anybody, not even for you.
Reason #2: He’s stubborn and set in his ways
If he’s grown up in an environment where people enabled him to do as he pleased without taking responsibility, don’t count on him to start accepting accountability for anything.
Life has been so easy for him, why would he want that to change? He doesn’t need to work, but he gets by. Somebody always takes care of him, whether his family, his friends or you.
It’s simply impossible for him to change—because he won’t ever want to.
Think about it.
This guest post advice was contributed by Kissy Bang Bang, a London brand bringing creativity and fun to safe sexuality with their funny condoms. Kissy Bang Bang was born from a need to bring humor and awareness to an otherwise serious subject of sexual health.