How Do I Know When It Is OVER? Should We Break Up? (VIDEO)
Passionista Principle: “You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, Know when to walk away and know when to run.” ~Kenny Rogers
Help! I'm Pregnant. Should We Get Married Now or Wait for Our Dream Wedding? (VIDEO)
Passionista Principle: Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place. ~Zora Neale Hurston
Some prominent celebrity brides like reality star Bethenny Frankel
Check out the video below, and if you can’t see it click, Should I Have A Quick Wedding to watch.
Dating When Separated: Should I Date A Man Who is Separated but Not Divorced Yet? (VIDEO)
Passionista Principle: Read More »How Do I Know He or She Is THE ONE? Dating Advice; Luv Em Or Leave Em (VIDEO)
How do you know if they are “the one?” Video below.Passionista Principle: You know it’s love when you wanna keep holding hands even after you’re sweaty!, sex or dating dilemma.
Here’s this week’s relationship advice question.You have been dating somebody for a while. You make each other laugh and think. You look forward to seeing them and it feels good, really good, but how do you know if this person is “the one?”Very simple. When your heart, your mind and your loins all agree that this is “the one!” If can’t be just one of those elements or… Well, just watch the video!
**Oh, and side note, you’ll be glad to know that I believe firmly in my heart of hearts that there is not just “one.” We have several soul mates over the course of our lives.
You should also watch my other love advice videos:?After 3 marriages should we date?
Read More »Married THREE Times!? Can I TRUST A Serial Monogamist? Dating Advice (VIDEO)
He Was Married THREE Times! Am I Dating A Serial Monogamist? Luv Em Or Leave Em Dating Advice VideoPassionista Principle: “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” ~Mignon McLaughlinHey Rockstars,Read More »Every other week Tina Tobin the Advice Maven from Luv Em Or Leave Em sends over a relationship advice question.
This week’s love advice question:
- “Dear Abiola; My boyfriend, who I love, has been married three times. He treats me very well but I am nervous about dating him and possibly getting married to a him in the future. Should I be?”
SHOULD you be nervous? Your man was married thrice and now he wants to marry you?! Girl, I will definitely file this under Kelsey Grammer, who recently divorced his Real Housewives of Beverly Hills wife Camille Grammer for his fourth wife. Yikes!
Someone who has been married three times is most likely a serial monogamist.
What is a serial monogamist?
A serial monogamist is someone who goes from relationship to relationship with almost no break in between because they have fears and issues with being alone. Your man may also have Relationship ADD. Either way, this is definitely not someone you can trust in a relationship without some serious cognitive behavioral therapy. I’m just saying.
I would be extremely wary of dating a man or woman who had been married so many multiple times if I were you. Of course things happen. Trust mama! I am one husband in the hole so I am aware of that. But married three times and seeking to get married again? Something is awry.
Personally I would RUN and never look back.
BUT if he treats you well and all seems to be a loving boyfriend while you are dating then I wouldn’t tell you to break up with your man. I would advise instead that you do not consider marrying this dude at all. You should live with your boyfriend for at least five years to make sure that he is serious. Watch the video, and if you can’t see it then click here to watch: “Dating Advice: Married Three Times.”
What do you think?And don’t forget to check out:HELP! My Boyfriend Was in Prison! Luv Em Or Leave Em Dating Advice (VIDEO)
Dating An Ex Criminal. My Boyfriend Was in Jail! Luv Em Or Leave Em Relationship Advice Series (VIDEO)
Passionista Principle: You have the right to be “picky” in all matters of love. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.You meet a cutie and go out on a date. Somewhere between “You’re so funny” and “Please pass the potatoes,” he reveals that he has been in prison. Or you’ve been dating for a while and then your new love shares with you his secret past or current life on parole. Yikes! Your boyfriend is cute, smart, fun and a jailbird. So what should you do? Is he “winning?”This is an important question because prisons in our current prison industrial complex are not centered around rehabilitation. Jail in America is big business. The United Stated has the highest number of people in the population incarcerated. And as we know, some populations are jailed more often than others. Crimes are unevenly enforced in urban communities. I have sadly had family members in prison. So what do you do when you find out that your crush was a criminal?
File this under Phaedra Parks on The Real Housewives of Atlanta whose husband Apollo was in jail. Would you marry someone who has been incarcerated? Although I consider my blog and web series to be a judgment free zone the hard truth is that I am unfortunately not as open minded as I hope to be one day. I say that it all comes down to questions.
QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF: What was the crime that your boyfriend committed? A violent crime? A white collar crime? How old was he when he went to jail? What has he done to rehabilitate himself? Has he had therapy since he came home from prison?IF YOUR MAN HAS A CRIMINAL PAST…
- 1. Always run a background check to get information for you.
- 2. I have to say for the record that if this person has committed a violent crime, RUN.
- 3. Like Oprah Winfrey always says when she quotes Dr. Maya Angelou, “when someone tells you who they are, believe, them.”
And don’t forget to check out!Read More »
- Bachelorette Party Favor Idea, MTV Ladies Man, My Boyfriend Lives At Home, Kimora’s Relationship Advice, Positive Affirmations, Safe Sex Pledge, Why Don’t Women Like Me?, Lingerie Gift Guide, Just in Case Condom Compact and Iyanla & Oprah: Lessons Learned.
My Boyfriend Still Lives At Home With His Parents!!! Luv Em Or Leave Em Dating Advice (VIDEO)
I’m dating a man who is living at home with his parents? Is that ok? Surprising Luv Em Or Leave Em advice below.Passionista Principle: “Deception’s a poison. It’s like margarine.” ~Failure to Launch
Hey Rockstars,This week I was blessed to be a headliner at the Bowery Poetry Club for Sex Worker Literati, Zoe’s Hooker Valentine Day Party. It was wild, fun, bawdy and over the top. And of course, just like when I was in Los Angeles, Atlanta and Woodstock, I took the opportunity to answer one of your love advice questions. As my regular Planet Abiola Rockstars know, every other week, Tina Tobin of Luv Em Or Leave Em assigns a relationship advice question. [Video below.]
This week’s dating question:Dear Abiola,I’ve met someone who I really like and we’re dating. I could even be in love with him. He still lives at home with his parents. Is this ok?Signed,ConfusedDear Confused,Yikes! You’ve got a Boomerang, Failure to Launch, GLAH – Guy Living At Home!
This is not a simple yes-no question. It’s hard to be a ladies man living at home, right? In fact, if you love someone, you’re dating and they still live at home with their parents it is time for you to start asking him questions. Questions like: Um, why do you live at home with your parents? Did you ever leave? Do you have a plan for moving out?
After all we happen to be in the worst recession since 1929 so he or she may have a good excuse. Many cultures, like Caribbean people for instance, are not big on adult kids moving out. Is she or she at home to help the family or take care of ailing parents? And what are your intentions? Are you serious about this person and this relationship?
Ask the questions and then you can answer this love advice question for yourself. Now watch the video!Read More »
Dating A Player? Signs That You're Dating A Playboy (VIDEO)
Passionista Principle: “All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.“ ~Mae WestThis week’s love advice question: Dear Abiola, How do I know if I’m dating a player? And as a Ladies Man Coach, are you advocating that men become players?Great questions, Sweet Pea. I think that if a guy or girl wants to be a playboy or playgirl then that’s fine– if they are honest with the people that they’re dating about being in a non-exclusive relationship. Under no circumstance should you be dating a bunch of people – guys or girls- who think that they are in a monogamous exclusive relationship.When I interviewed Ryan Leslie I asked if he considered himself to be a player because of al of the women that he’s supposedly been dating. And he said, no I’m not a player — because I’m single. And he’s right! As long as he’s honest about what his relationships are with the women that’s he’s dating then he may be a bit of a ladies an but he’s definitely not a player — or jerk.Be straight up with the people in your life. Your relationship ceases to be between consenting adults when you cheat because you are taking away the consent of the others in the relationship. I’m saying “he” here but I am referring to both MALE and FEMALE players. Maybe instead of being some kind of wannabe player you should consider being in an open relationship. Watch!Top 10 Signs You’re Dating A Player
1. You may be dating a player if: When he refers to his friends he uses non-gender specific pronouns. Instead of saying his and hers, he says “theirs.”2. You may be dating a player if: He is suspicious of you with no reason. When other people are cheating or being dishonest in a relationship, it’s hard for them to trust others. [Video: How Do I know I Can Trust Him?]3. You may be dating a player if: He is paranoid about his phone. He keeps his ringer off around you and makes it a point to take the phone to the bathroom and everywhere else.4. You may be dating a player if: He has many female friends and homegirls who you never meet. My ex felt like he protected himself because he mentioned all of his “friends” to each other. So the names were out there, but he was actually “dating” all of these women.5. You may be dating a player if: He calls you (and every other woman) “sweetie” or “babe” to avoid mixing your names up with the other women that he’s dating.6. You may be dating a player if: He gives you no PDA. I’m not saying you need to be kissing each other on the sidewalk, but if he lets go of you hand in certain public places or walks ahead of you in others then you may be getting played.7. You may be dating a player if: He has black out periods where he is mysteriously always unavailable, like every Sunday or nightly after 8:30. He’s probably working you around his other women’s schedules.8. You may be dating a player if: He never introduces you to any of his friends or family.9. You may be dating a player if: He only calls you after 11:30. You may be just a booty call. [Video: Why Do Women Love Bad Boys?]10. You may be dating a player if: The only contact he has with you is physical. If he sends you only sexual texts all day long then you may just be the chick on the side.Be a playboy or playgirl if you want. Just don’t be a dishonest player in the dating game because then you lose and so does everyone else involved with you.e="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Have you ever been a player? Or dated a player?
Thanks for watching! Check out: How to Get Over A Bad Boy, MTV Party Diary, How to Heal After A Break Up, Positive Printable Affirmations, How to Become a Ladies Man Without Being a Pig, Love Lessons from Cleopatra, Cheating, Adultery & Infidelity Advice.Read More »Dating Advice: Should I Lend Money to My New Boyfriend or Girlfriend? (VIDEO)
Should I lend my new lover money? Luvem Or Leave Em Series Relationship Advice Video
Should romance and finance mix? No romance without finance?Dear Abiola, I have a new girlfriend and we definitely feel like we’re in love. The relationship is just getting started and she already asked if she could borrow money from me. Should I lend her the money? What should I do? Help!Well, if you consider the fact one of the leading causes of divorce is money issues then you know that romance and finance can be a deadly mix. Everyone might get into a sticky wicket (trouble) at some point in their lives and need a bailout from a loved one. What concerns me is the fact that this is a new girlfriend whom you just started dating and she is already asking you for money. That is definitely a relationship red flag.A good personal policy is that love and lending money do not mix. If you can afford to, then you should GIVE money to people you care about instead of lending it. Lenders and borrowers today, frenemies tomorrow. The issue is expectations. Expectations are pre-planned resentments. Watch!My apologies for the sound issues, my Rockstars. I shot this love advice video just for YOU on the plane. If you can’t see this Money and Love Don’t Mix advice video click here.
To see other Luvem Or Leave Em Dating Advice videos that I shot during my trip to Atlanta check out My Boyfriend is Best Friends with His Ex Girlfriend, Should I Get Back Together With My Ex Boyfriend, Can Relationships Between Religions Work, and Waiting for Sex: How do I Tell Him?
You may also want to check out Who Should Pay on Dates?
Read More »Interfaith Relationships: Is a Mixed Faith Relationship for Me? (VIDEO)
Dating Advice: Can Mixing Love & Religion Work for You? Interfaith Love, Marriage and Advice, video below.Ah, love and religion.
Christian. Jewish. Muslim. Wiccan. Talk about love, sex, dating and drama.Can Interfaith relationships work? How do you know if a mixed faith relationship is for you?Chelsea Clinton found love with someone of a different faith and so far it looks like all systems go– but what about for you? Several of my girlfriends have had the experience of dating a great Jewish guy only to learn that he has already decided that he can only commit to a Jewish wife — and vice versa. Yikes.
If you’re getting serious about the person you’re dating then you and your beloved need to ask and answer a series of questions before commitment:
- How important is your religion to you?
- Are you a tolerant person?
- How does your family feel about a mixed religion union and most importantly, how do you feel about what your family thinks of your love life?
- Do you have concrete plans (or care to) about your future children and religion? Watch!
Whether your relationship is interfaith, interracial, or a mix of planets, I wish you abundant love. And may I suggest a fabulous Indian themed wedding capped off with delicious bad girl sex? Enjoy! This video is part of Tina Tobin’s LuvEm Or LeaveEm love advice series.Hey, I know that this video is slightly outta sync but shift happens. If you can’t see this video click here to watch: Marrying outside of my religion: Should I be in an interfaith relationship?
*Here’s a viewer who disagreed with me and said, “No, Interfaith Relationships for Me!”
Read More »
