Don’t be surprised to find this post on a wellness and empowerment blog for women. My job is to answer your questions and here’s what you wanted to know about. We’re adults, right? 

I am holding a vision for you of a loving exclusive relationship where you feel comfortable enough to explore. Yes! Everyone is all 50 Shades of sexy…. This blog is no exception. Okay, I am totally blushing. Are you?

Passionista Principle: “Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.” ~Mae West


How to Tie Up Your Lover 

50 Shades of Hot Monogamy, bondage, and more– with videos, and toys, and advice; oh my!


Photo: From Abiola’s LSD Show


The “TIE ME UP!” Edition: Let’s Get Started

Christian Grey's Tie
:::Order Fifty Shades Of Grey: Christian’s Tie. Yes! :::


This week my web TV series  “Abiola on LSD: Love, Sex, Dating and Drama” Episode 9 was all about Casual Hookups. We covered the gamut from No Strings Attached Craigslist Hookups to Friends with Benefits. It had the potential to be totally awkward because I’ve never had casual “relations” and I’m celibate when I am not in a relationship, but my job is to empower others. Anything that two consenting adults want to do is 50 Shades of fine with me! So it was a great show.

Our spicy in-studio guests were erotica author Deborah Collage Grison and seduction specialist Alicia Marie Rivers. We also were graced by “Official Abiola Rockstar Bloggeratti” Tamela J. Gordan and Maurice “ButchNasty” Skipper. Oh yeah. The show is crazy like that. After a partial NYC black-out we turned up the volume on our Show and Tell Sexy Toy Reviews segment by demonstrating three ways to tie up your lover. We needed a little hot monogamy and some kinkiness to balance out the episode, and this did the trick.

Okay, how do you tie someone up and how do you ask about getting tied up?

::::If you can’t see the video, click here to watch on YouTube.


Shibari You Can Use - Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic Macrame

Shades of Wow!


1) Good Old Trusty Handcuffs. 

Pink Handcuffs

::::Click the photo to order the handcuffs.::::

bound by diamonds mask

::::Click here to order the eye mask.::::

Then for fun we tied up our team member Archie by slapping purple furry cuffs on him. These were created by Oprah-endorsed sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman

Degree of Difficulty? None, just don’t lose the key to the handcuffs!

Photo: From Abiola’s LSD Show

2) Diamond Ribbon Cuffs or Pearl Handcuffs.  

Bijoux Indiscets Si Plaisir Nacre White Pearl Handcuffs

::::Click to Order Bijoux Indiscrets Si Plaisir Nacre.::::

Pearl Handcuffs - Stylish


Pink Ribbon

::::Click to Order Ribbon::::

Hidden Flower Bondage Gear Pink Ribbon Bondage Tape
So, you can order pearl handcuffs in black or white right on Amazon. That saves you from embarrassing package mishaps, right? Perfect for tying your partner to the bed, these patent leather beauties demonstrated by team member Eric are similar to those showcased on Real Housewives of NYC along with pearl handcuffs. We got these diamond ribbon cuffs from our friends at Adult Sex Toys but you can also find a more expensive set at Kiki De Montparnasse.
 Bound By Diamonds Ankle Cuffs

::::Click to order the hand or ankle cuffs from Bound by Diamonds::::

Degree of Difficulty: Mild. The cuffs velcro on to your partner but then you may want to give the feeling or illusion of the person being locked in.

::::If you can’t see the video above, click here to watch on YouTube.


Maybe a Couple’s Game is the Way to Go?

50 shades of play game
::::Order the Fifty Shades Of Grey Fifty Days Of Play Game::::


Photo: From Abiola’s LSD Show

3) Hands Behind the Back. 

Demonstrated by ButchNasty, our show’s first AJ (like a VJ, an Abiola Video Jockey!) this had tongues wagging the most int he chat room. The toy is called the Love Connection and is manufactured by Rachels Pleasures.

Degree of Difficulty: Tricky. As the box says, “The neck bone’s connected to the wrist bone…”Once your lover is properly tied up or down, you can have your delicious way with him or her. We must tell you though that we assume no liability for injuries sustained with these novelty toys, pleasurable or not. Enjoy… Or don’t. Whatever is your thing.

Wait! Want more romance tips and a 50 Shades Checklist?

:::Click here

Be Inspired by 50 Shades of Grey


::::If you can’t see this video, click here to watch on YouTube.

COMMENTARY | On Sunday, while riding the train from Chelsea to Harlem, I spotted a woman, 50s-ish, reading the much-ballyhooed “50 Shades of Grey” in paperback. If you’ve been underground for a while, “50 Shades” is a New York Times- and Amazon-bestselling trilogy of erotic fiction written by British mom E.L. James. The book is differentiated from standard Harlequin “heaving bosoms” fare by its aggressive SM story line. Originally intended to be “Twilight” fan fiction, the book is the sexy adult tale of a young woman willingly submitting to become the playtime slave of a wealthy and handsome older suitor.

The pop media — from “20/20” and Newsweek to “Ellen” – have been making much ado about “50 Shades of Grey,” known among the Soccer Mom set simply as “The Book.” Women’s desire is still taboo. It’s true: As a love columnist, dating blogger and “pleasure educator,” I receive emails, tweets and even private Youtube messages from women on a daily basis asking for advice on how to navigate their relationship lives and personal intimacy landscapes. I give talks and speeches on overcoming the societal voices of shoulds and musts.

This genre of literature is nothing new. In my conservative South American immigrant household, my smart and educated mother taught my sister and me nothing about s-e-x, not even about our periods. Her Catholic background gave her a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy for all matters concerning the flesh.

So how did I learn about s-e-x? My mom is an avid reader and had everything on her bookshelves from standard romance novels with Fabio on the cover to Xaveria Hollander’s raunchy autobiography, “The Happy Hooker.”

That’s right. I learned about sensuality as an eager teen in an all-girls prep school from reading books like this. This young reader of “Flowers in the Attic,” would go on to be the “Intimacy Intervention” advice columnist for V.C. Andrews would be proud.

Women wanting to publicly discuss, explore and expand our sensuality and fantasy life is a positive evolution. The book might be hokey or poorly written, as some have said, but that is irrelevant. Why don’t we trust that women are smart enough to decide what is working for them at any given moment? It’s OK. We can decide to read Anaïs Nin or Jane Austen and E.L. James — or not.

The individual choice is ours.

 Featured Photo: Diesel ad — all affiliate links. 


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Hi there! I'm the Midwife for Your Inspired Life, your personal self-worth coach, and a spiritual teacher. I empower women (and by proxy, enlightened men) to live their big, bold dreams by tapping into the power of self-love. My job is to help YOU become who you were born to be. You are a Sacred Bombshell; Hear Us Roar!