Passionista Principle: “Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.” ~Robert Frost
Rumors of the dating demise of single black women have been greatly exaggerated.
According to the latest relationship stats and Nightline specials, a black woman with a degree has a greater chance of fitting one-size-fits-none skinny jeans onto her bootylicious booty than finding a comparable African American mate.
Move over Becky, black women are fishing in your pond.
I haven’t crossed the street yet but nevermind what Ochocinco wants. White men, it seems, love black women it seems. Proof? J-Date has become one of the hottest interracial pick up spots for BWD (Black Women Dating) along with love sites like AfroRomance.
Nonetheless, word on the street is that there are a few cross-cultural snafus that may block your WM-BW hook up from being as smooth as possible. To that end I offer The White Guy’s Guide to Dating Black Women: A Primer. And then don’t forget to check out the fun video below for Interracial Dating Snafus.
1. Strong black women, angry black women and other bogey monsters.
A white friend was shocked when Tanisha, his “strong black woman” had a breakdown. Yes. Pine Sol commercials aside we are strong at times, weak at others and vulnerable just like any other woman.
Joe, a buff blonde banker said, “You’re so sweet, Abiola. I’m surprised.”
Dude, were you expecting me to punctuate every convo with an angry chicken neck? That only happens if you call during Grey’s Anatomy. Then don’t get it twisted; I’ll have a girlitude and I’m not afraid to use it.
2. Wiggers, wannabes and fetishists.
Your best friends and all of your past girlfriends are black. You’re just more comfortable with black culture. You love black people. Congratulations. We probably won’t get along because if you’re dating me you’re not dating a culture. You’re dating a woman. Word to your mother.
3. Let’s talk about sex, baybeee.
All black women are either whores or prudes? Yikes. Most of us are neither. You’re not having interracial sex, my man. You’re having sex between two people. Relax.
Steven, a white CPA, was so nervous about sex with a black woman that although he was extremely turned on he couldn’t get it up. He was afraid that he might not measure up. Measure up? I hate to squash fantasies but most black folks are not swinging from the chandeliers with tree trunk dicked brothers. Would that were so.
4. Hi, my name is Khadija.
Yes, we may have non-European cultural monikers like Abiola, Damali or Patranila that sound odd to your ears just like the names Zhang or Po-Hao are new to me if I date someone from Taipei. It’s 2010. Jennisa can date Bradley.
5. Good hair.
Bobs, braids, blow outs, dreads, fros or weaves — it’s still just hair. And forget what the Chris Rock movie said, hell yeah you can pull my hair. Just don’t pull it out! To clarify, yes, you may touch my tresses if we are in a relationship. No, you may not feel up my head if we’re strangers at the bus stop.
6. Meet the Parents. And family. Plus friends.
Now pay close attention. This section can make or break you. My father is an Ivy League educated journalist who graduated from the London School of Economics. Why does every white male friend I introduce to him insist on some kind of funky pounding handshake? He’s not a Harlem Globetrotter. Just shake his hand.
And for the record all black people are not Tyler Perry black people. I am a New Yorker of South American descent; I have never ever met a Big Momma. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Just don’t come to my house revved up for collard greens and fried chicken. Most of my family is vegetarian and our Guyanese soul food is curried.
7. The rhythm is gonna get you.
I was hanging with one of my besties and her new white guy picked us up from cocktails. As we got into the car he said, “Sorry ladies, my radio won’t get Hot 97,” the local hardcore hip hop station. My friend and I are as into hardcore rap as Barbara Walters. There are no safe assumptions, homeboy.
Conversely, don’t let political correctness scare you into stupidity. A white buddy was trying to show me one of his colleagues in a crowd. He kept saying, “The guy in the blue shirt.” Well at any given moment 97.6 percent of men are wearing a blue shirt.
Finally I shouted, “Oh, you mean the black man?;” and he breathed a PC sigh of relief.
8. Get ready to be stared at.
Some people will stare because they are assholes, others will stare because they are curious, a few will stare because I have spaghetti sauce on my mini skirt. Who cares? Let’s be our fabulous selves and give them something to talk about.
9. Man up.
Black women who are only accustomed to the dating style of certain men of color may not be used to your subtle non-pickup pickup style. In other words, the target of your affection might not even be aware that you’re hitting on her. This is a common cross-cultural dating complaint. If she is from a more aggressive cultural background don’t be afraid to step your game up and make it clear that you like her.
My apologies to Dan, Dave Q and Peter. I had no idea that you were hitting on me. I am the product of several aggressive cultures: I’m a Caribbean, African American, East Coast chick. Subtlety is sadly not a part of my repertoire.
When white and Asian guys make a play for my attention I am usually oblivious. I am not saying drag me to your cave but a little boldness would be appreciated. And to Eric, the tall white guy from Ohio that I met in Georgetown, Guyana at Club Mojo, now that I know you were flirting call me!
To clarify: Do not hit her over the head with a club and drag her back to your cave. Do make your attraction clear. A little non-asshole boldness is always appreciated.
10. At the end of the day I am a woman like any other.
Big revelation: Black women are simply women. Obviously whether a relationship succeeds is not based on race. All generalizations are false including this one.
Be yourself, white man, and she’ll do the same. Maybe you’ll live happily ever after.
Thanks for reading!
You may also enjoy:
- How to be a Ladies Man,
- Positive Affirmation Cards,
- What Not To Do On An Interracial First Date
- Essence Magazine Valentine’s Day Issue.