Why Don’t Women Like Me or Find Me Attractive? Advice from MTV Made Ladies Man Coach Abiola

Passionista Principle: No one else can love you if you don’t love you.

Thanks for all of the positive feedback about me being a Love and Empowerment “Ladies Man Coach” on MTV docu-series ‘Made.’ Working with Austin in Atlanta was much more involved than what you saw on the series. I worked with Austin on confidence and self esteem almost 7 days a weeks for 4 weeks. 

Working to better ourselves is an on-going process. We’re never finished. I know that I am still a work in progress – a miserable hot mess on some days a shining star on others but no matter what, we must know what we are worth. 

I recently received the following letter from a viewer/reader on my facebook page.

Dear Abiola,
I’m such a huge fan of yours and I think you’re awesome and you really help and inspire lots of people. 

I was wondering, well, like I been rejected by women a lot my whole life and I always been single and I treat the ladies with respect and everything and always polite but most women rather go for a dude who looks good on the outside instead of inside and I feel I have a lot to offer. What should I do?

 Greetings King Tomas,

Thanks SO MUCH for your courageous letter. I LOVE that you’ve always been polite to the women you’re interested in. You ROCK! Here are my thoughts on why you may feel that women don’t like you or find you attractive.

1. So first things first. When you said girls go only for the dudes who look good on the outside I imagined you to be a beastly. I scanned your facebook photos and you’re not bad looking! You can hold your own. You do have a lot to offer.

2. Tomas, I always say that we should have every single quality in ourselves that we’re seeking in the other person. If you are seeking kindness, make sure that you are a kind person to others, etc. Real talk. No bullsh*t.

3. There are lots of guys that we look at and wonder superficially, whoa, how did he get that girlfriend? Tomas, women are not just focused on looks. Women like security, humor, intelligence and excitement. Everybody likes attractive people. But confidence is also really important. Insecurity is never ever cute, Tomas. Ever.

4. When you say women go for loo
ks it makes me
think that this does not apply to you. I don’t find you ugly but it doesn’t matter what I think or what a million other women think of you, Tomas. What matters most is what you think of you.

5. If you ask women out in a way that seems like they’re doing you a favor, then you’ve going to attract people who don’t wish you the best. Life is a mirror and the people in our lives reflect back to us what we already think of ourselves.

6. Try online dating. Online dating is a cool way to go because you rule out people who are going to waste your time quickly. You are being pro-active about who you are, what you value and what you are looking for. When you build your online dating profile put your best foot forward. Have a friend take a clear crisp picture of you and go for it!

7. Also, are you sure that you’re not being superficial in the women who you are asking out? Just like you are a well rounded person that brings more than looks to the table than looks make sure that it’s the same with the women you pursue for dating. Try stepping out of the box with women you wouldn’t usually approach.

8. Now when you go out with her, Tomas, I want you to sweep her off of her feet. Make her feel special. Be interested in her. Don’t spend your time talking the whole night. Make sure that you spend time listening too. Be attentive and have fun. Make it clear that you are romantically interested or you will end up i the friend zone.

9. Nobody is saying that you have to be Don Juan or a Ladies Man. Just be the best Tomas you can be. Nice guys really can finish first. Give yourself more credit. 

10. Anyone who does not appreciate you for being kind, considerate and caring as you should be does not deserve a front seat in your fantastic life-to-be. There are plenty of women out there that would love to meet you — and you only need ONE. Get out there and find her.

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